I Just Want to Live My Life

The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management, a program of the Institute for Lifelong Weight Management – teaching you the skills you need to keep the weight off forever!

Recently, a student in one of my weight management classes told me, “I just want to live my life, and not have to worry about counting calories, weighing and measuring my food, using a food diary, or thinking ahead about what I’m going to eat.”

And I wondered, what does this mean, “I just want to live my life”? Because if it means, “I just want to eat whatever I want, however much I want, whenever I want it, without thinking about what I’m putting in my mouth”, then this is most likely not going to be compatible with the goal of maintaining a healthy weight for life – unless what you want is a really healthy diet (think lots of fresh produce, healthy fats, lean proteins, few refined carbohydrates, and so on). But I don’t think this is what most people mean when they say, “I just want to live my life”, in reference to food.

Successful lifelong weight loss maintenance involves thought, planning, and some sacrifice. We may have to give up certain things in order to maintain our weight loss. It takes time to prepare healthy meals, and to exercise, and that might mean giving up something else that we would otherwise do with that time. We give up having our favorite “comfort foods” or “treat foods” whenever we want them – instead we plan for them. We may even have to give up some relationships – with people who enable us or attempt to sabotage us – or, at the very least we may have to give up old ways of relating and learn how to relate differently with some of the people in our lives.

But we don’t just give up – we replace, we have more of something else instead, we gain some things. We find new, more effective ways of relieving stress, of soothing and comforting ourselves when we need soothing and comforting. We gain improved self-image, improved health, and an enhanced quality of life. We may gain improved mobility, and increased ability to perform the everyday physical tasks of life with ease instead of with a struggle. We may gain new types of friendships, with people who also aspire to live healthy lives and build relationships that are not focused solely on eating unhealthy foods together. We gain pride in knowing that we’ve become a role model of healthy living for the people we care about most.

Share your thoughts about this topic with me and other readers by commenting on this post.

To learn more about effective weight management strategies, join my next weight management class, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management. For details, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com/programs.html

Links to new blog posts I recently wrote for the Obesity Action Coalition:

http://www.obesityaction.org/strategies-for-celebrations-holidays-eating-out-and-vacations

http://www.obesityaction.org/when-eating-becomes-contagious

http://www.obesityaction.org/when-your-significant-other-is-not-on-board

For frequent updates on this topic and related topics on weight management and motivation, follow me on Facebook and on Pinterest: Institute for Lifelong Weight Management; On Twitter and Instagram: InstituteForLWM.

To receive my quarterly newsletter “The Full Mind Weigh®”, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com.

Email me if you’d like to receive my “Tip of the Month”: doreen@thefullmindweigh.com

Receive my free Informational Guide, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Losers: http://thefullmindweigh.com/infoguidelandingpage.html

Take my survey and share your weight management story: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/96RQJ5L

With your continued health in mind,

Doreen Lerner, Ph.D.

Director, Institute for Lifelong Weight Management

Creator, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management

www.thefullmindweigh.com

The Institute for Lifelong Weight Management provides education and training. The Full Mind Weigh® is strictly an educational program and is not a substitute for medical or psychological evaluation or treatment. If you think you may be suffering from an eating disorder, please consult with a qualified mental health professional who is trained to evaluate and treat eating disorders.

But It Tastes Better Fried!

The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management, a program of the Institute for Lifelong Weight Management – teaching you the skills you need to keep the weight off forever!

But It Tastes Better Fried!

Clients who are struggling with weight management sometimes tell me, “But it tastes better fried!” So let me ask you, given a choice between fried shrimp versus boiled shrimp for your restaurant appetizer, which would you choose?

It depends, doesn’t it? On your long-term goals, that is. If your long-term goal is to lose the weight and finally maintain your hard-earned weight loss for life – rather than continue to ride the weight-loss weight-regain rollercoaster – then you’re likely going to choose the boiled version, at least most of the time, depending on how often you eat restaurant meals. If, on the other hand, you are not thinking about a long-term goal, and your sole focus is on eating the best-tasting thing possible (even if the taste lasts only for the few minutes that you’re eating the food in question), then you’re likely going to choose the fried version (unless you have a dislike for fried food, and then you’ll choose the boiled shrimp so long as there’s a prolific amount of sauce to go with it).

So, what’s your choice? A taste that lasts for a few minutes – or lifelong maintenance? Let’s make this easier. When we think about the idea of successful long-term weight loss maintenance, in a way that’s a very abstract concept. It’s more useful to think in terms of what that could bring us, what it could do for us and for our lives. I’m talking about things like good health, continued ability to live independently and to move around freely, and freedom from chronic lifestyle-related diseases like heart disease, type 2 diabetes, hypertension, some forms of cancer, weight-related joint problems, and even some types of dementia. So again, when you have a choice between 10 minutes (on a habitual basis – I’m not taking about occasional indulgences here) with fried shrimp on your tongue versus a lifetime of good health, what’s it going to be?

But even if you’re highly motivated to maintain a healthy weight for life, this is not such an easy question to answer. The problem, you see, is that we humans are not wired to focus on long-term outcomes. The long-term health benefits of making mostly healthy food choices are too abstract, vague or distant in the future for us to think about in the present moment. And the consequences of repeated unhealthy food choices are also too distant (after all, one pint of ice-cream today is hardly going to make us suddenly develop diabetes tomorrow), or something we just don’t think about (ah, the power of denial).

So the key – and the challenge – for all of us is to define for ourselves some immediate benefits of making the healthy choices that we aspire to make. Unless you live in a cave somewhere in the wilderness, no doubt you’re faced, just like I am, with the opportunity to indulge in tempting but unhealthy foods every single day of your life. Personally, I rarely indulge in “treat” foods because I know that if I do then I’ll gain weight, and then I won’t fit into my clothes, and I don’t want that. As I like to say, “I’ve ‘been there done that’ too many times in my life, and I don’t want to ‘been there done that’ ever again.” So for me the immediate benefit is being able to fit into my clothes tomorrow. It’s not the only one, though. I also feel good about making healthy choices. As you know, it’s not easy, and I simply am intrinsically (internally) motivated to do so. I feel proud of myself when I make healthy choices. I feel good about respecting my body by feeding myself with healthy food. And I simply feel better physically when I eat simple, healthy, real food – without the addition of heavy, greasy, or over-sweetened sauces or dressings.

That’s MY motivation for sticking with my healthy lifestyle plan – each and every day, no matter where I am, no matter what day of the week or year it happens to be, no matter what kind of event I happen to be attending or what kind of setting I happen to be eating in. Consistency works best for me. Also, it’s just too hard for me to take the weight off once I gain it, and so I prefer not to regain any weight in the first place. For me, an event is never about the food. I’ve come to view food as fuel for my body rather than as a source of entertainment, and so I strive to make every calorie count. If it’s not going to provide my body with nourishment, I won’t eat it.

But that’s my motivation, and that’s what works for me. It may not work for you. The important thing is to figure out what does work for you, and to stick with that. Successful losers (people who not only lose weight but keep it off over time) learn to focus on their motivation and to keep that motivation in the forefront of their minds. If that seems like too much work, remember that we live in a “food saturated” world – we’re constantly bombarded with food, images of food, messages about food, and chemically-altered addictive foods wherever we are, and so it’s important to remember your motivation for getting it off and keeping it off. Think about what the weight loss (and maintenance) results in for you – don’t let it be just about the pounds or inches, or avoiding chronic lifestyle diseases many years from now. This can be anything from simply feeling good about yourself, fitting into your clothes, or feeling more confident in social situations, to knowing that you’re being a good role model for your loved ones.

Share your thoughts about this topic with me and with other readers by commenting on this post.

To learn about effective weight management strategies, join my next weight management class, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management. For details, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com/programs.html

For frequent updates on this topic and related topics on weight management and motivation, follow me on Facebook and on Pinterest: Institute for Lifelong Weight Management; On Twitter and Instagram: InstituteForLWM.

To receive my quarterly newsletter “The Full Mind Weigh®”, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com.

Email me if you’d like to receive my “Tip of the Month”: doreen@thefullmindweigh.com

Receive my free Informational Guide, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Losers: http://thefullmindweigh.com/infoguidelandingpage.html

Take my survey and share your weight management story: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/96RQJ5L

With your continued health in mind,

Doreen Lerner, Ph.D.

Director, Institute for Lifelong Weight Management

Creator, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management

www.thefullmindweigh.com

The Institute for Lifelong Weight Management provides education and training. The Full Mind Weigh® is strictly an educational program and is not a substitute for medical or psychological evaluation or treatment. If you think you may be suffering from an eating disorder, please consult with a qualified mental health professional who is trained to evaluate and treat eating disorders.

Don’t let Overwhelm Sabotage You!

The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management, a program of the Institute for Lifelong Weight Management – teaching you the skills you need to keep the weight off forever!

When I talk to clients who have a lot of weight to lose, it’s common to hear them say how overwhelmed they feel by the enormity of the task at hand. And when we feel overwhelmed, we may believe that we can’t succeed. We can use, “It’s too much, too overwhelming, or too big of a task” as a reason for not starting at all – or for quitting. We may feel as though we might as well just give up, and we’re very much at risk for doing just that – especially on those days when we’re stressed, feeling emotional, and/or almost spent in terms of our available coping resources.

Think about it this way. If a college student was just starting their program and on the first day of school they’re told: “Here are your assignments for the next four years. You have to read this pile of books (hundreds), write all these papers (again hundreds), complete all these projects (countless), and lab reports (many)….” how do you think they would feel? Completely overwhelmed of course, with no idea where to start. Right? It’s the same with weight loss. We have to take it a small piece at a time. Have you heard the old joke that goes: “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”

Or think about planning a wedding or other major family celebration. You’d do it one piece at a time, right? Maybe first location, then food and beverages, then entertainment, photography and videography, invitations and other announcements, attire….and so on. In other words, you’d break it down into smaller pieces.

How about if you’re packing up your home to move somewhere else? You’d tackle it one room at a time, or more likely one closet at a time, right?

So take it one small piece at a time – one pound, one day at a time, even one meal at a time. Break it down into small pieces. Focus less on the pounds and inches, and more on small doable behavior changes like these:

• Drink two glasses of water with each meal
• Eat one serving of fruit with each meal
• Eat two servings of vegetables with lunch and dinner
• Walk for 30 minutes each day
• Learn how to cook vegetables in an appetizing yet healthy way
• Prepare meals at the weekend for the rest of the week
• Grocery shop at the weekend for the rest of the week
• Try a new vegetable each week
• Do some deep breathing for 5 minutes each morning and evening

Get the idea?

Share your thoughts about this topic with me and with other readers by commenting on this post.

To learn about effective weight management strategies, join my next weight management class, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management. For details, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com/programs.html

For frequent updates on this topic and related topics on weight management and motivation, follow me on Facebook and on Pinterest: Institute for Lifelong Weight Management; On Twitter and Instagram: InstituteForLWM.

To receive my quarterly newsletter “The Full Mind Weigh®”, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com.

Email me if you’d like to receive my “Tip of the Month”: doreen@thefullmindweigh.com

Receive my free Informational Guide, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Losers: http://thefullmindweigh.com/infoguidelandingpage.html

Take my survey and share your weight management story: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/96RQJ5L

With your continued health in mind,

Doreen Lerner, Ph.D.

Director, Institute for Lifelong Weight Management

Creator, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management

www.thefullmindweigh.com

The Institute for Lifelong Weight Management provides education and training. The Full Mind Weigh® is strictly an educational program and is not a substitute for medical or psychological evaluation or treatment. If you think you may be suffering from an eating disorder, please consult with a qualified mental health professional who is trained to evaluate and treat eating disorders.

Strengthen your Self-Control Muscle!

The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management, a program of the Institute for Lifelong Weight Management – teaching you the skills you need to keep the weight off forever!

Did you know – self-control is like a muscle that can be strengthened with the right kind of exercise?

Researchers have found that challenging the self-control “muscle” by asking people to control one small choice or action that they were not accustomed to controlling can make it stronger! You can do this for any little chore that you’ve been procrastinating on, like cleaning out your kitchen “junk” drawer. For example, you can create a little program for yourself that looks something like this:

Week 1 – open the drawer and look at the messy contents

Week 2 – tackle anything that is broken or has parts missing

Week 3 – throw out anything that you haven’t used in the last 5 years

Week 4 – find out if there’s a place where you can donate used batteries

Week 5 – find out if there’s somewhere that will accept donations of solo buttons

And so on…

When the research subjects followed this kind of program for a couple of months, not only did drawers get cleaned out but they also began to eat in a healthier way, they exercised more consistently, and they cut back on smoking, alcohol, and caffeinated beverages. They had not been asked to address these areas – these changes were completely spontaneous. They truly seemed to have strengthened their “self-control muscle”!

Other studies have found that making a commitment to any small but consistent action that requires self-control – like standing up straighter, using your non-dominant hand to open doors, or not saying “uh-huh” – can increase your overall self-control. Even although some of the self-control tasks that the subjects were assigned to may have seemed trivial or even somewhat irrelevant, they nonetheless seemed to have a positive impact on behaviors that people really care about, like improved health care practices, better ability to manage emotions, and stronger ability to resist temptations.

In all of these little challenges that people set up for themselves, the habit that was being formed was noticing what they were about to do, stopping to make a choice, and choosing a course of action that required self-control – rather than an easier or more automatic course of action. By taking on little challenges like this, we get our brain used to stopping before acting. The fact that the little tasks are somewhat inconsequential may even help because they are not overwhelming and they probably don’t lead to feeling deprived in any way.

Try it out for yourself! Pick a small task like using your non-dominant hand for some everyday task, not saying “yeah”, or making a daily habit of donating or otherwise disposing of something you no longer need, want or like. Notice the impact on your more major self-control challenges like eating more produce or getting to the gym regularly. You can even set yourself up with a small challenge that’s somehow related to your bigger challenge. For example, if your goal is to complete a 5K, you might start with a half-hour walk each day. If your goal is to give up processed foods, you might start by having two meals each week that contain no processed foods. Look for something small that strengthens your “self-control muscle” but doesn’t overwhelm it.

Share your thoughts about this topic with me and with other readers by commenting on this post.

To learn about effective weight management strategies, join my next weight management class, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management. For details, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com/programs.html

For frequent updates on this topic and related topics on weight management and motivation, follow me on Facebook and on Pinterest: Institute for Lifelong Weight Management; On Twitter and Instagram: InstituteForLWM.

To receive my quarterly newsletter “The Full Mind Weigh®”, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com.

Email me if you’d like to receive my “Tip of the Month”: doreen@thefullmindweigh.com

Click here to receive my free Informational Guide, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Losers: http://thefullmindweigh.com/infoguidelandingpage.html

Take my survey and share your weight management story: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/96RQJ5L

With your continued health in mind,

Doreen Lerner, Ph.D.

Director, Institute for Lifelong Weight Management

Creator, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management

www.thefullmindweigh.com

The Institute for Lifelong Weight Management provides education and training. The Full Mind Weigh® is strictly an educational program and is not a substitute for medical or psychological evaluation or treatment. If you think you may be suffering from an eating disorder, please consult with a qualified mental health professional who is trained to evaluate and treat eating disorders.

The 30-second Decision

The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management, a program of the Institute for Lifelong Weight Management – teaching you the skills you need to keep the weight off forever!

How long does it take to eat (inhale?) a candy bar? Maybe 30 seconds – or less?

Sometimes clients will tell me, “I know that when I’m feeling stressed I should do some relaxation strategies – but I just don’t have the time. I barely have time to breathe.” The candy bar (or the pint of ice-cream mindlessly eaten in front of the TV after a long hard day) is merely a way to simply numb out. But their effects are SO short – and we barely taste them when we consume them (and use them) in this fashion! And we often feel lousy right after we do this – we come crashing down physically, and our inner critic all too quickly starts up with the negative self-talk – again. We very soon feel physically blah and emotionally even lower than we did before we inhaled whatever we just inhaled.

Sometimes when I talk about mindfulness meditation or other relaxation techniques people will tell me that they already tried it and it doesn’t work for them. Or it takes too long. Or it’s impossible with the kids running around and needing their complete attention, the baby crying, the looming deadline, the messy house, and so on. I completely understand.

So just take 30 seconds to simply breathe – slowly and deeply. Tune in to what you’re needing and what you’re feeling right now. Don’t worry if the tears come. The sadness will pass. Just give yourself the gift of breathing, the gift of tuning in, the gift of self-awareness, the gift of being curious and interested, the gift of caring, the gift of listening – to yourself. Don’t worry if what you’re needing right now is not something you can immediately get for yourself. Just listen to your heart and give yourself some empathy and validation – just as you would a dear friend or loved one who is feeling overwhelmed the way you are right at this moment.

Share your thoughts about this topic with me and with other readers by commenting on this post.

To learn about effective weight management strategies, join my next weight management class, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management. For details, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com/programs.html

For frequent updates on this topic and related topics on weight management and motivation, follow me on Facebook and on Pinterest: Institute for Lifelong Weight Management; On Twitter and Instagram: InstituteForLWM.

To receive my quarterly newsletter “The Full Mind Weigh®”, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com.

Email me if you’d like to receive my “Tip of the Month”: doreen@thefullmindweigh.com

Receive my free Informational Guide, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Losers: http://thefullmindweigh.com/infoguidelandingpage.html

Take my survey and share your weight management story: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/96RQJ5L

With your continued health in mind,

Doreen Lerner, Ph.D.

Director, Institute for Lifelong Weight Management

Creator, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management

www.thefullmindweigh.com

The Institute for Lifelong Weight Management provides education and training. The Full Mind Weigh® is strictly an educational program and is not a substitute for medical or psychological evaluation or treatment. If you think you may be suffering from an eating disorder, please consult with a qualified mental health professional who is trained to evaluate and treat eating disorders.

Sometimes, we just Need to Feel Entitled!

The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management, a program of the Institute for Lifelong Weight Management – teaching you the skills you need to keep the weight off forever!

Recently, I’ve heard people say that it can feel embarrassing to make special requests when ordering in a restaurant – the kind of requests we make when we’re really trying to eat healthy and either lose weight or maintain our healthy goal weight. These requests might include things like: “dressing on the side, light on the oil, hold the croutons, hold the cheese, grilled not fried, no butter on the vegetables, hold the bread…and so on”.

Our embarrassment may come from feeling that in doing so we’re drawing attention to ourselves as someone who is trying to lose weight (or not gain weight) – believing that the way we order our food magnifies our struggle with weight management for the rest of the world (or at least for our server) to witness. Or, we may struggle with being assertive and speaking up for what we need and want. Or perhaps both. When we’re carrying extra weight we can’t hide it behind a plate of Fettucine Alfredo and a slice of chocolate mousse cheesecake. And if we worry about what other people think of our menu selections and special meal preparation requests, are we really going to order something unhealthy to avoid feeling embarrassed about ordering something healthy?

A recent news article talked about a new trend amongst women – shaming each other not for having unhealthy eating habits, but for making healthy food choices. Why on earth would anyone do that? As the article said, it could be about any number of issues: if we can’t control ourselves, we may try to control others; if we refuse to look at our own habits, we may distract ourselves by focusing on other people’s choices; or we may believe we have the right to judge others. If people do this to you, they are not your friends!

We need to feel entitled to take care of ourselves and nourish our bodies in the way they need to be nourished! Remember that when we’re the customer the restaurant is there to serve us and to meet our needs! We don’t say, “The customer is always right” for nothing. We’re paying our hard-earned money for the food, and we have every right to have it prepared the way we need and want.

A reluctance to be assertive can easily contribute to our weight management struggles – it’s so common to use food to stuff down our unexpressed needs and feelings.

So feel proud of yourself for speaking up for yourself!  And love yourself with healthy food!

“To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Rev Dr Martin Luther King, Jr.

“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.” – Raymond Hull

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Share your thoughts about this issue with me and with other readers by commenting on this post.

To learn about effective weight management strategies, join my next weight management class, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management. For details, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com/programs.html

For frequent updates on this topic and related topics on weight management and motivation, follow me on Facebook and on Pinterest: Institute for Lifelong Weight Management; On Twitter and Instagram: InstituteForLWM.

To receive my quarterly newsletter “The Full Mind Weigh®”, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com.

Email me if you’d like to receive my “Tip of the Month”: doreen@thefullmindweigh.com

Receive my free Informational Guide, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Losers: http://thefullmindweigh.com/infoguidelandingpage.html

Share your weight management story – take my survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/96RQJ5L

With your continued health in mind,

Doreen Lerner, Ph.D.

Director, Institute for Lifelong Weight Management

Creator, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management

www.thefullmindweigh.com

The Institute for Lifelong Weight Management provides education and training. The Full Mind Weigh® is strictly an educational program and is not a substitute for medical or psychological evaluation or treatment. If you think you may be suffering from an eating disorder, please consult with a qualified mental health professional who is trained to evaluate and treat eating disorders.

What’s That on my Plate?

The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management, a program of the Institute for Lifelong Weight Management – teaching you the skills you need to keep the weight off forever!

Have you ever sat down in a restaurant and ordered what you thought was a healthy meal, only to have something unhealthy (and unexpected) show up on your plate? I imagine that most of us have, and it happened to me recently.

I was recently out to dinner and ordered grilled fish with a side of steamed vegetables and a side of sautéed vegetables (light on the oil and no butter please!). Well, it arrived as ordered, but there was also a side of heavily-buttered garlic mashed potatoes right there on my plate.

Now in this situation we have, I believe, five choices (maybe you can think of more).

1. Eat the mashed potatoes. (Hello. Does “a moment on the lips, forever on the hips” sound familiar? Momentary bliss followed by feelings of regret and, possibly, physical discomfort from all that butter?)
2. Eat only what we ordered – not always so easy, right? But doable if we keep our motivation in mind, the reasons why we really don’t want to eat the heavily-buttered mashed potatoes!
3. Ask the server to remove the mashed potatoes. (“Out of sight, out of mind” – or, at least, out of our immediate reach. Having the server remove them (sooner rather than later) is probably a good idea if we feel that our resolve is not strong that day.)
4. Ask for a box for the potatoes and take them home. (Hmm. We might fool ourselves into thinking that we’re taking them home for someone else to enjoy – but why would we feed a loved one something that is loaded with cholesterol?).
5. Put them on a separate plate or push them off to the side of the plate. (Still in the danger zone.)

In fact, on this recent occasion I chose option 5 – I pushed them off to the side of the plate. In doing so, I ended up with a bit of butter-laden mashed potato on my fork and, you know what, I tasted it and savored it and enjoyed it and felt perfectly satisfied because I’d done so –  without any regret whatsoever because it was just a taste.

Sometimes, all we need is a little taste of something to feel satisfied and this helps us avoid those feelings of deprivation that can interfere with our resolve.

Share your thoughts about this experience with me and with other readers by commenting on this post.

To learn more about effective weight management strategies, join my next weight management class, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management. For details, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com/programs.html

For frequent updates on this topic and related topics on weight management and motivation, follow me on Facebook and on Pinterest: Institute for Lifelong Weight Management; On Twitter and Instagram: InstituteForLWM.

To receive my quarterly newsletter “The Full Mind Weigh®”, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com.

Email me if you’d like to receive my “Tip of the Month”: doreen@thefullmindweigh.com

Receive my free Informational Guide, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Losers: http://thefullmindweigh.com/infoguidelandingpage.html

Take my survey and share your weight management story: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/96RQJ5L

With your continued health in mind,

Doreen Lerner, Ph.D.

Director, Institute for Lifelong Weight Management

Creator, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management

www.thefullmindweigh.com

The Institute for Lifelong Weight Management provides education and training. The Full Mind Weigh® is strictly an educational program and is not a substitute for medical or psychological evaluation or treatment. If you think you may be suffering from an eating disorder, please consult with a qualified mental health professional who is trained to evaluate and treat eating disorders.

Perfectionism – an Enemy of Self-Esteem

The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management, a program of the Institute for Lifelong Weight Management – teaching you the skills you need to keep the weight off forever!

Are you a perfectionist? If you possess some of these characteristics, you just may well be:

• You think of yourself in all-or-nothing terms: you either did the job perfectly, or you failed (there is no “pretty good” for you).
• You believe that perfect is possible, and that if you didn’t achieve it then you’ve failed.
• You hone in on mistakes and imperfections (in yourself and in others too), and tend to ignore anything else.
• You consistently feel overwhelmed, and you feel like you’ve never done “enough”.
• You tend to set unrealistic standards – for yourself and for others too.
• You don’t ask for help because that would mean acknowledging that you are not “perfect”.
• You focus on the result or end-point, and are unable to enjoy or appreciate the process or the journey.
• You have more trouble bouncing back from disappointment than other people do, and you tend to beat yourself up when your expectations are not met.
• You have a strong fear of failure, so much so that you sometimes procrastinate or get stuck in fear-induced paralysis, leading you to be even harder on yourself.
• You’re afraid to try new things and to take measured risks because the outcome may not be “perfect” or you may not succeed.
• It’s very hard for you to take in constructive criticism.
• Most likely, your life is out of balance because in an effort to pursue perfection you neglect other areas of your life which need your energy, time and attention. As a result, your mental, emotional and spiritual “fuel tanks” are “running on empty” and you are not able to perform at your best.

Can you see how possessing some or all of these characteristics would have an impact on your self-esteem? The perfectionist never, ever feels good enough, never measures up to his or her high standards. Good self-esteem is essential for lifelong weight management success, because we have to feel good about ourselves to believe that we’re truly worth the effort that it takes.

Put perfectionism in its place

– Try to be aware of your perfectionistic thoughts – if you can’t record them as they occur, try to think back over your day and remember what you were feeling and thinking at those times when you felt you hadn’t reached the standards or goals you’d set for yourself.

– List the benefits of continuing to be a perfectionist.

– List the drawbacks of continuing to be a perfectionist.

– List the ways in which being a perfectionist has impacted you, your self-image, your self-esteem and your life in a negative way.

What have you learned from reviewing your lists?

Strategies for combatting perfectionism

1. The power of positivity – Every time you find yourself having a perfectionistic or self-critical thought, write down at least 3 positive thoughts to counter the perfectionistic thought. As an example, my client Andrea often found herself thinking, “I didn’t get enough done today. I’ll never reach my goal”. Making lists of what she did get done that day allowed her to see that, in fact, she accomplished much more than she gave herself credit for.
2. Create tiny goals – Perfectionists tend to set big goals for themselves. Get into the habit of breaking your goals into tiny sub-goals. This will make it much easier for you to be able to acknowledge progress along the way. Be sure to give yourself that acknowledgment for each tiny step that you take!
3. Embrace constructive criticism – Consider that constructive criticism is something that could help you reach your goal, rather than being a personal attack.

Share your thoughts about this topic with me and with other readers by commenting on this post.

To learn about effective weight management strategies, join my next weight management class, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management. For details, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com/programs.html

For frequent updates on this topic and related topics on weight management and motivation, follow me on Facebook and on Pinterest: Institute for Lifelong Weight Management; On Twitter and Instagram: InstituteForLWM.

To receive my quarterly newsletter “The Full Mind Weigh®”, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com.

Email me if you’d like to receive my “Tip of the Month”: doreen@thefullmindweigh.com

Receive my free Informational Guide, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Losers: http://thefullmindweigh.com/infoguidelandingpage.html

Share your weight management story – Take my survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/96RQJ5L

With your continued health in mind,

Doreen Lerner, Ph.D.

Director, Institute for Lifelong Weight Management

Creator, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management

www.thefullmindweigh.com

The Institute for Lifelong Weight Management provides education and training. The Full Mind Weigh® is strictly an educational program and is not a substitute for medical or psychological evaluation or treatment. If you think you may be suffering from an eating disorder, please consult with a qualified mental health professional who is trained to evaluate and treat eating disorders.

It’s Not Fair!

The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management, a program of the Institute for Lifelong Weight Management – teaching you the skills you need to keep the weight off forever!

“It’s Not Fair!!”

“It’s not fair that I can’t eat anything I want and still lose weight (or maintain my weight loss)” is something that I sometimes hear from my weight management clients. “I see skinny people eating high-fat meals in restaurants – and I’m sitting there with my grilled chicken salad (dressing on the side, and please hold the cheese and the croutons!) – and I’m thinking, ‘that is SO not fair! How come they get to eat like that and still look like that? Why don’t I get to do that?’”

When we get into these ways of thinking, we run the risk of self-sabotaging out of anger, indignation, frustration, a misguided quest for justice, an insistence that things be “fair”.

The “Fallacy of Fairness” is a cognitive distortion (irrational thought) which can cause us to make our way through life with a mental ruler or set of scales which we use to assure ourselves that everything is “fair, even, equal”. When we allow ourselves to be trapped in this kind of thinking, we believe that WE are the best person to determine what is fair and what is not fair. We allow our minds to be consumed with these thoughts and we often feel upset and agitated until and unless we believe that things have turned out “fair”. (Note: socially acceptable behaviors like taking turns or returning a favor do not count as examples of the “Fallacy of Fairness”.)

But, what is fairness, after all? How can we know what the skinny woman eating pizza or Fettuccini Alfredo (or whatever we object to her eating) is dealing with in her life outside the restaurant? We can’t, and that’s the bottom line.

And, there are situations where trying to be “fair” actually backfires – situations where striving for fairness or equality becomes illogical, inappropriate, and can do more harm than good. Here are some examples:

You give all your kids a gift when one of them is celebrating a birthday, so that none of them feels “left out”.

You find out that your partner cheated, and so you do likewise.

You question your co-workers to make sure that their bonus was no more than yours.

You feel compelled to call one family member just because you called another family member.

Your partner spends more than he or she agreed to, and so you engage in “revenge spending” just so things are “fair”.

Your kid bites one of their peers, and so you bite your kid just to show them “what it feels like”.

Believe me, people do these things!

Life simply isn’t fair. If it was, there wouldn’t be kids with cancer, abusive parents with tons of kids while kind and loving people can’t conceive a child, or people starving all over the world! So I’m going to complain that I can’t eat like that skinny person over there?

“One has to be grown-up enough to realize that life is not fair; you just have to do the best you can in the situation you’re in.” – Stephen Hawking

“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.” – Dennis Wholey

“Who says life is fair, where is that written?” – William Goldman, The Princess Bride

Share your thoughts about the Fallacy of Fairness with me and other readers by commenting on this post.

To learn more about effective weight management strategies, join my next weight management class, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management. For details, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com/programs.html

For frequent updates on this topic and related topics on weight management and motivation, follow me on Facebook and on Pinterest: Institute for Lifelong Weight Management; On Twitter and Instagram: InstituteForLWM.

To receive my quarterly newsletter “The Full Mind Weigh®”, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com.

Email me if you’d like to receive my “Tip of the Month”: doreen@thefullmindweigh.com

Receive my free Informational Guide, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Losers: http://thefullmindweigh.com/infoguidelandingpage.html

Take my survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/96RQJ5L

With your continued health in mind,

Doreen Lerner, Ph.D.

Director, Institute for Lifelong Weight Management

Creator, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management

www.thefullmindweigh.com

The Institute for Lifelong Weight Management provides education and training. The Full Mind Weigh® is strictly an educational program and is not a substitute for medical or psychological evaluation or treatment. If you think you may be suffering from an eating disorder, please consult with a qualified mental health professional who is trained to evaluate and treat eating disorders.

What are you REALLY craving?

The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management, a program of the Institute for Lifelong Weight Management – teaching you the skills you need to keep the weight off forever!

Often, when we’re craving a particular food, what we’re really craving is something totally unrelated to that food. For many of us, what we’re really craving is often hidden even from ourselves. I like to call these our “concealed cravings”.

If you eat in response to sadness, you’re craving comfort or consolation.

If you eat in response to anxiety or fear, you’re craving safety, peace, soothing or reassurance.

If you eat in response to boredom, you’re craving stimulation or novelty.

If you eat in response to loneliness, you’re craving love, friendship or companionship.

If you eat in response to guilt, you’re craving absolution, forgiveness or self-forgiveness.

If you eat in response to happiness, you’re craving a meaningful way of celebrating.

If you eat in response to anger, you’re craving release or resolution.

If you eat in response to a problem, you’re craving a solution.

If you eat in response to stress, you’re craving relief or relaxation.

If you eat in response to fatigue, you’re craving rest.

If you eat in response to envy, you’re craving whatever it is that you envy.

What are you really craving when you want chocolate, chips, ice-cream, cookies….? Think deeply, look inside yourself, see what you can discover.

To learn more about effective weight management strategies, join my next weight management class, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management. For details, visit www.thefullmindweigh.com/programs.html

For frequent updates on this topic and related topics on weight management and motivation, follow me on Facebook and on Pinterest: Institute for Lifelong Weight Management; On Twitter and Instagram: InstituteForLWM.

Subscribe to my monthly newsletter TheFullMindWeigh® by visiting www.thefullmindweigh.com.

Receive my “Tip of the Month” by emailing me at doreen@thefullmindweigh.com.

Receive my free Informational Guide, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Losers: http://thefullmindweigh.com/infoguidelandingpage.html

Take my survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/96RQJ5L

With your continued health in mind,

Doreen Lerner, Ph.D.

Director, Institute for Lifelong Weight Management

Creator, The Full Mind Weigh® to Lifelong Weight Management

www.thefullmindweigh.com

The Institute for Lifelong Weight Management provides education and training. The Full Mind Weigh® is strictly an educational program and is not a substitute for medical or psychological evaluation or treatment. If you think you may be suffering from an eating disorder, please consult with a qualified mental health professional who is trained to evaluate and treat eating disorders.